Do you agree?

[sensitiveguy]

MARRIAGE is a constant source of joy, but introducing children into the relationship will send your happiness in a downward spiral, a conference has been told.

Marriage, money and children were conventionally considered to be the cornerstone of happiness but such thinking did not stand up to scientific scrutiny, Harvard University psychology professor Daniel Gilbert told the Happiness and its Causes conference in Sydney today.

According to scientific and economic research, only marriage proved to be a constant source of joy.

"Figures show that married people are in almost every way happier than unmarried people - whether they are single, divorced, cohabiting," Prof Gilbert said.

"Married people live longer, married people earn more money per capita, married people have more sex and enjoy it more.

"Married people seem to be happier on every dimension that you can imagine."

Money can also buy happiness - just not as much happiness as people think.

"Money buys you a lot of happiness first and then it buys you less and less - every dollar buys you less happiness as the dollar before, and you reach a point where money is doing almost nothing for your happiness," Prof Gilbert said.

"But it's never the case that more money makes you sadder. If you get millions and millions you never get depressed about it."

And despite the belief that children were the apples of our eyes, they actually had a negative impact on happiness.

The more kids you had, the sadder you were likely to be, Prof Gilbert said.

US and European studies had shown that people's happiness did spike while they were expecting a baby but sharply plummeted after the child was born.

The low point came when children reached the ages of 12-16, and recovered only when they had flown the coop, he said.

"In reality ... children do seem to increase happiness as long as you're expecting them, but as soon as you have them, trouble sets in," he said.

"People are extremely happy before they have children and then their happiness goes down, and it takes another big hit when kids reach adolescence.

"When does it come back to it's original baseline? Oh, about the time the children grow up and go away."

Explaining why the statistics conflicted with most people's view of parenthood, Prof Gilbert made the unusual comparison to buying a pair of Armani socks.

"When people own Armani socks they can't stop telling you they are the best socks, the most amazing socks," he said.

"(But) I suspect that one of the reasons that people who own Armani socks think they are wonderful is because they have paid $85 for a pair.

"The psychologists tell us that we like things more when we pay for them - what does that sound like? It sounds like children. We pay for them in time, attention, blood, sweat and tears - what kind of idiots would we be to devote all of that to the rearing of our young if they'd didn't bring us some happiness?"

The fact that parenthood crowded out all other things in life could explain why we considered children our greatest source of joy, he said.

"Parents tell me all the time that: `My child is my greatest source of joy'," he said.

"My reply is that: `Yes, when you have one source of joy, it's bound to be your greatest'."

[cc5k]

All true. And you don't need a professor at Harvard to tell you this, because BFRU has its own professor who has been saying this for years.

(His name is cc5k!)



sensitiveguy, can you provide a link to this article you posted?

[TUCKER]

Originally Posted by cc5k

All true. And you don't need a professor at Harvard to tell you this, because BFRU has its own professor who has been saying this for years.

(His name is cc5k!)



sensitiveguy, can you provide a link to this article you posted?

Take off the lab coat professor. You sound like a D/A counselor whos never experienced either, but knows the cure.

[cc5k]

Originally Posted by TUCKER

Take off the lab coat professor. You sound like a D/A counselor whos never experienced either, but knows the cure.

Who better to make a determination than an independent on-looker? I may be young, but I ain't dumb. I look at the older people I know and all of these trends have always been glaringly obvious to me.

What's funny to me is that almost every parent will deny these truths until the day they die. ...Or at least until the kids move out.

[TUCKER]

Originally Posted by cc5k

Who better to make a determination than an independent on-looker? I may be young, but I ain't dumb. I look at the older people I know and all of these trends have always been glaringly obvious to me.

What's funny to me is that almost every parent will deny these truths until the day they die. ...Or at least until the kids move out.

ABSOLUTELY, TOUCHE'!

[sensitiveguy]

Yes, kids are a lot of work but it’s well worth it. Couples just have to work a little harder to make time for each other. Everything that you did before doesn’t stop once the kids arrive.

CC, you’re gonna need someone to take care of you when you get old. LOL

[cc5k]

Originally Posted by sensitiveguy

Everything that you did before doesn’t stop once the kids arrive.

Yeah, not counting whatever you used to do that made you happier.

CC, you’re gonna need someone to take care of you when you get old. LOL

LOL... It's going to take a better argument than that for me to decide to have kids.

[sugarbabe]

i don't think its the children that bring down the marriage, its the husband and wife, who do not want to compromise and work together to do what it takes, even if you have to lose out on a few things. Give and take.

Kids bring joy and unity. But if you are selfish, spoiled, kids will do the exact opposite.

[jls]

Originally Posted by sensitiveguy

Yes, kids are a lot of work but it’s well worth it. Couples just have to work a little harder to make time for each other. Everything that you did before doesn’t stop once the kids arrive.

CC, you’re gonna need someone to take care of you when you get old. LOL

That's what social security is for! Just kidding. But if you did the math, you'd probably come out better without having children. Think of the money you could save for your retirment and when you get older. I think there are pros and cons to both. My wife and I are starting to talk about kids, and I'm starting to seriously think we might just have one. I don't know fi I have the patience for 2.

Originally Posted by sugarbabe

i don't think its the children that bring down the marriage, its the husband and wife, who do not want to compromise and work together to do what it takes, even if you have to lose out on a few things. Give and take.

Kids bring joy and unity. But if you are selfish, spoiled, kids will do the exact opposite.

I don't know about unity. In fact they can cause a slew of problems. Children are great because you see a piece of yourself and you're giving back to the earth and to God. But they are a financial burden and weigh heavily on your time. I love my nieces and nephews. And we've allowed them to come over to spend the day with us several times, but I must admit I'm happy when their parents come to pick them up. I love them and love spening time, but I think it's like any other person. If you have a best friend, you don't want to see them every moment of the day, just on occasion. And children are needy. They need you to cook for them, to teach them, to watch them so they won't hurt themselves. That's a lot of work. It can put pressure on a marriage epecially when not everyone is really made for children.

Interesting, my wife and I saw a documentary on Spike TV last year. They said Japanese people have a totally different take on marriage and childbearing. When two Japanese people have a child, they generally only have one, if that many. It costs too much in housing, food and education to have kids.

My wife and I talked about it for a while and thought about how in developing countries and agricultural countries, they have many children to fight against dying out (disease) and to help on the farm. But in Industriabilzed countries children really don't have a purpose beyond passing your genes on to another generation. In america, really only the Hispanics are growing in large numbers, white are shrinking and blacks are barely keeping our numbers. It makes since that this would be so, since many Latinos just came from developing countries. But in a few generations, they will probably stop having as many children.

[cc5k]

Originally Posted by sugarbabe

Kids bring joy and unity. But if you are selfish, spoiled, kids will do the exact opposite.

Countless studies have shown that kids are more likely to bring unhappiness and push couples apart. Of course it's case by case, but if you are going to be general (like you were in that first sentence), the opposite should be stated.

[cc5k]

Originally Posted by jls

I don't know about unity. In fact they can cause a slew of problems. Children are great because you see a piece of yourself and you're giving back to the earth and to God. But they are a financial burden and weigh heavily on your time. I love my nieces and nephews. And we've allowed them to come over to spend the day with us several times, but I must admit I'm happy when their parents come to pick them up. I love them and love spening time, but I think it's like any other person. If you have a best friend, you don't want to see them every moment of the day, just on occasion. And children are needy. They need you to cook for them, to teach them, to watch them so they won't hurt themselves. That's a lot of work. It can put pressure on a marriage epecially when not everyone is really made for children.

Interesting, my wife and I saw a documentary on Spike TV last year. They said Japanese people have a totally different take on marriage and childbearing. When two Japanese people have a child, they generally only have one, if that many. It costs too much in housing, food and education to have kids.

My wife and I talked about it for a while and thought about how in developing countries and agricultural countries, they have many children to fight against dying out (disease) and to help on the farm. But in Industriabilzed countries children really don't have a purpose beyond passing your genes on to another generation. In america, really only the Hispanics are growing in large numbers, white are shrinking and blacks are barely keeping our numbers. It makes since that this would be so, since many Latinos just came from developing countries. But in a few generations, they will probably stop having as many children.

Hey jls, nice post. Lots of good info in there... It's nice to see you and your wife put some serious thought into the idea of kids before diving in because it feels like the time is "right", like most folks do. You should post more often!

[sugarbabe]

Originally Posted by cc5k

Countless studies have shown that kids are more likely to bring unhappiness and push couples apart. Of course it's case by case, but if you are going to be general (like you were in that first sentence), the opposite should be stated.

Humm i wonder why. TODAY PEOPLE HAVE NO VALUES. they are selfish, spoiled, conceited. So maybe that is the reason why they can't enjoy children.

[cc5k]

Originally Posted by sugarbabe

Humm i wonder why. TODAY PEOPLE HAVE NO VALUES. they are selfish, spoiled, conceited. So maybe that is the reason why they can't enjoy children.

They need Jesus! That's the problem with people these days!

[sugarbabe]

Originally Posted by cc5k

They need Jesus! That's the problem with people these days!

You Got it. Proud of you brother

[cc5k]

Jesus says the key to happy marriages is to have more sex... followed by a cigarette of course!