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Originally Posted by KHARMA
But, CC, how can one (or both) be absolutely certain there will never be a divorce? If you walk in and find your wife taking "one to the mouth and one to the padussy," are you going to say "she's cheating with two dudes in my house, but I'm absolutely certain that there wont be a divorce here.
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In that case, there would be a divorce. This example is putting the cart before the horse, because I'm "absolutely certain" that I will never be faced with a situation like that.
For getting to that point, there are probably many ways to get there, but all I can tell you is how I got there. I'll keep it high level so I don't have to type 5 pages.
Before meeting my wife I dated a lot of women. A lot of beautiful, smart, caring, etc.. women; many of which "fell in love" with me (so they said). Quite a few were considered to be "the full package" by most men. And I could imagine (and did back then) what it would be like married to them. I pictured it being anywhere from miserable to "perfect", depending on the girl at the time. But something that was always missing was the ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY that it would last forever. Notice I said "
would last forever" instead of
could.
I discussed marriage w/ my wife on one of our first "dates", where I told her that (statistically speaking, of ourse) our relationship will most likely not last forever. Suprisingly, she didn't find this romantic...
Anyway, it didn't really come up again until we had been dating seriously for a while (where I would even make a point of avoiding tempting situations with other women), had moved in together, and been living together happily for about a year in TX.
At that point we started discussing what marriage meant to each of us, and our definitions were about the same (and I think that's very important!). We both had seen a lot of people get married and divorced and stay unhappily married and both agreed and promised that we would never let that happen.
After many discussions about this kind of stuff, coupled with her proven history of while we were together, I became convinced that with her it really would be FOREVER.
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But again, isnt there always the posibility of divorce on the table? If your spouse changes for the worse after you're married, even if she was the model girlfriend/fiance before the vows, are you 100% sure you're going to stay with her and be "happily married" as you put it? What if she just blatantly starts disrespecting you? Having dudes calling your house, sending naked pictures via email to various men, engaging in un-wife like activities, are you still going to stay married?
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Honestly, I don't see how this could ever happen. Of course we will both change as time passes, but we both have such strong respect for each other's feelings (read: altruism), that it's just not reasonable to grow apart in the way you've described. It sounds kind of mushy as I'm typing it out, but when making your spouse happy is your favorite thing to do, that keeps you on track for keeping them happy. Does that make sense?